episodic: the netisian's arc
by nellia cimor
Summary: episode arc about garcia's past.. and how it comes back to haunt her... first two chappy's are the most ready, and also the very last chapter is completed for reading
1. Chapter 1: 'fear of the dark' pt1

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

"**Fear of the Dark**"

{quote: _'fear of the dark.. fear of the dark(!).. i have a constant fear that something's always near..'_}

in which a hacker called the Master wants to kidnap penelope garcia and make her the queen of the netisians and commit criminal acts by his side. The FBI know nothing of his plan until garcia's long-lost, best friend shows up, determined to protect her. Her netisian name is 'truancey'. Tru informs the BAU team of the Master's plan and they concoct a plan of their own to stop him.

And so it begins...

"ipsepn!, ie edane oit arnuw ipsepn!"  
>('pnips!, i need to warn pnips!')<p>

"what are you saying?", said rossi for what felt like the fifty-th time, "english(!)" "you understand what i am saying, you must speak it."

the elevator binged and out bounced garcia.

"garcia-", started hotch, "we need you to run this girl through ifus and interpole."

"yes, sir!", chirpped garcia happily, "but.. interpole, sir?"

yes, we believe she may be international." "reid's working on language recognition as we speak, could you assist him when you finish with the check?"

"most certainly, sir." "this goddess of all knowledge is now at your service!", she beamed, shuffling off to her office, many bags in tow.

Hotch gave a small smile, "thanks garcia."

she flicked back a brief smile of her own, then turned back to the task at hand.

(part: B)

"anything?", asked rossi as garcia came bustling up to him and hotchner.

"that's what i came to tell y'all", garcia hurried to explain, "who ever she is, this girl is a frickin' ghost." "no ifus, no codus, no interpole, no nothing." "i tried everything i could think of, and trust me i say that's a list that is endlessly long, and i got nieght." "according to the information super highway, who ever this girl is, she doesn't exsist."

"it's alright", said hotch, "it was a long shot anyway." "reid's still processing languages." "maybe a fresh set of eyes would help."

"done and done, interpid boss man sir", said garcia grinning brightly. She thought of giving him a salute, but brushed that silly idea aside. 'time to focus on more important things, garcy', she told herself rather sternly. 'yeh, like talking to yourself,' retorted the sarcastic part of her brain. She sighed and shook her head at her own nonsense, coming up to reid's desk.

"hey, sweet thing", she smiled warmly, "what'cha up to?"

"hey, garcia", reid greeted happily, "i'm not having any luck with this language recognition software." "it's been searching for a little over an hour now, and it still hasn't matched even the smallest of syllables."

"would ya like ta take mine for a spin then?", offered garcia with a hint of knowing behind her eyes.

"very much, thanks", answered reid with renewed enthusiasm, rising from his chair and heading off with garcia to her lair.

"reid, i have to ask, why didn't you just use my system to begin with?"

"because you weren't here to ask permission.. and i happen to value my good health", he jibbed innocently, smiling slightly.

Garcia laughed whole-heartedly. "oh, reid." "what a perfect answer", she said and gave him a peck on the forehead, turning to unlock her door.

Reid blushed slightly and smiled shyly, tucking a few strands of hair behind his ear. He was glad she was too busy to notice.

After she'd gotten her babies rev'ed again, she turned to reid, who was seated in her spare chair, twiddling a pencil between his long fingers. "so!, what now, boy genius?", she grinned.

"enter the following phrase into the phonetic matching section-", he answered immediately. "the girl we brought in keeps saying it over and over again."

garcia spun around in her swivel chair, fingers poised above her keyboard, at the ready. "shoot", she affirmed.

"i believe it is - - 'eyep see pin, eye ee, ee dah knee, oh eyet, are newwh, eyep see pin'." "it must be important, she keeps repeating it over and over again.."

garcia had paused, suspended in shock.

"garcia?", reid asked with concern, "are you, um, okay?.."

"she said ie edane oit arnuw ipsepn?", she asked, not hearing reid's question, "are you sure?"

"yeah", said reid, a little taken aback, "do you know the language?" "you're pronounciation is impeccable-"

garcia jumped up suddenly from her chair, "i need to speak to her, now(!)"

"um, she's in interrogation right now-"

garcia didn't wait for anything furthur, she turned on her heels and marched out the door.

"wait!-" "garcia!-", sputtered reid, leaping up to follow her, "you can't just go in there!-"

penelope skidded to a halt in the pit, and paused to re-orient herself. Breathing fast, she spied what she was looking for.

Reid appeared just moments too late to stop her. "garcia!-"

she brushed past rossi and hotch without even looking at them, interrupting the conversation they had been having. They looked after her with similar looks of confusion, then they exchanged a look of slight fear between each other and gave chase.

Penelope burst into the interrogation room, startling both derek morgan and the captured criminal.

"baby girl(!)", derek said in surprise, getting up from his seat. "what are you-?", he began, but she cut him off.

"anceutru?", garcia asked, trying to peer around the girl's curtain of hair.  
>('truance?')<p>

The girl perked up immediately. "enelopeap?", she asked in disbelief.  
>('penelope?')<p>

"tru!", garcia smiled happily, rushing around the interrogation table to hug the girl.

Derek's mind was swimming with questions. His goddess was buddies with a fugitive? He had a bad feeling about this.

"ipsepn!", cheered the girl, shuffling out of her chair as best she could in hand cuffs, "ie issedem uoyo, yum endafri." her eyes filled with greatful tears.  
>('pnips!') ('i missed you, my friend.')<p>

"i missed you too", garcia sighed happily, breaking off their hug, and wiping her own tears away.

"what the heck's goin' on?", asked rossi, voicing what everyone was thinking.

"truance is my sister in arms", garcia began to explain, "she hacked with me when i was in the netsians."

truance grabbed garcia's arm with renewed fear in her eyes. "atuth ies yuwh ie aduh oit eab aptureduc!", she said with honest, pleading eyes. "ipsepn..", she whispered earnestly, "uoyo ea-ar ien aveugr angerud!"  
>('that is why i had to be captured!') ('pnips.. you are in grave danger!')<p>

"what?", said garcia, momentarily taken aback. "i'm in-?" "how do you-?" "who's after-?"

"aull ien odigo imeet, m'adyul", interrupted truance, "uoyo ustom onvinceic emath oit etal eam utoo!"  
>('all in good time, m'lady, you must convince then to let me out!')<p>

garcia paused and gave a half-hearted chuckle. "ahh, is that all?" she turned to her bosses nervously. "she says you need to let her go."

"garcia, we can't do that-", hotch tried to reason with her and calm her down.

"and why on earth not?", huffed garcia, beginning to anger.

"she's in league with an environmentalist group that plans on launching a massive explosive attack on a large section of the city today", explained rossi.

"my gawd..", she gasped, turning distrustful eyes on her former friend.

"ellat emath ie aveuh aull eath ormationi-inf eyath edane, utob eyath ustom etal eam utoo oif iseth omiro, aund utoo oif eseath uffsoc!", truance urged. "aseuple, ipsepn!" "eaw ea-ar unningor utoo oif imeet!"  
>('tell them i have all the information they need, but they must let me out if this room, and out if these cuffs!') (please, pnips!) ('are running out of time!')<p>

penelope hesistated.

Truance rolled her eyes in frustration. "uoyo owikn eam, aum ie au illerek?"  
>('you know me, am i a killer?')<p>

penelope paused, searching her former friend's eyes for any hint of a lie. She found nothing. She turned back to her bosses. "she says she'll tell you all the intel you can handle if you'll just let her out for a few minutes."

"penelope-", hotch tried to disaude her, but she interrupted him.

"i trust her.. sir", she corrected herself at the last second.

Hotch gave her a piercing stare. "you understand you're putting all of us in danger?"

garcia nodded, not meeting derek's eyes. She knew he was looking to her for an explanation, but , honestly, she had none. For all she knew, the girl across from her was not at all like the one she had known. Something inside of her told her it was the right thing to do, and that was that.

Rossi reluctantly unlocked truance from her shackles.

Tru wasted no more time.

"Ie on'tid anume oit armual uoyo, ipsepn, utob ie aveuh au ombib appedustr oit yum odyib-"  
>('i don't mean to alarm you, pnips, but i have a bomb strapped to my body-')<p>

"what?", garcia's heart nearly stopped.

"eyath iggeder eam uop ithew au ombib-"  
>('they rigged me up with a bomb-')<p>

garcia's face went white, and she began to protest, but tru stopped her just in time.

"-aund iet oiasl asuh au icrophoneem oin iet!-"  
>('-and it also has a microphone on it!-')<p>

garcia froze.

Tru sighed with relief, "-ief uoyo yutr oit arnuw uroyo endsafri, eyath illew aruhe uoyo, aund ie illew odeiexpl."  
>('-if you try to warn your friends, they will hear you, and i will explode.')<p>

"then how-?"

"uoyo aveuh oit otisho eam ien eath estach", tru pointed to the center of her torso, "ighter erahe."  
>('you have to shoot me in the chest.') ('right here.')<p>

"you're-" she switched, "uoyo ea-ar azyucr, uoyo owikn atuth ighter?"  
>('you are crazy, you know that right?')<p>

tru perked up, "ois uoyo'ill oid iet?"  
>('so you'll do it?')<p>

garcia shook her head, "eath ingseth uoyo alkut eam oi-int.."  
>('the things you talk me into..')<p>

tru smiled greatfully.

Garcia turned on her heel, and looked at morgan, "hey hot stuff, you know how i love you right?"

"yeh.. what?" "what are you up to?"

"i need that," garcia pointed at his gun.

"whoa, wait a minute baby girl, i thought you didn't believe in-"

"this is a special exception", garcia cut him off just before he said 'guns'. She bet that would get them all blown to heck as well.

Derek hesistated.

Garcia gave him an exsasparated look. "you trust me, right?"

"yeh, but-"

garcia held out her hand expectantly.

Morgan slowly handed his gun over to his baby girl.

Garcia smiled at him then turned back around. "how do you want to do this?"

tru gestured for her to hand it over, "ie etterab oid iet." "uoyo edaus oit eab au ackucr otish, utob uoyo ea-ar otin 'eraoth uoyo' ighter owin ois..."  
>('i better do it.') ('you used to be a crack shot, but you are not 'other you' right now so...')<p>

"irefa ughoeno..", garcia handed the gun over and the team tensed.  
>('fair enough..')<p>

Tru smiled as she pointed the gun at her own chest. "ie ewakn ie uldoco untoco oin uoyo."  
>('i knew i could count on you.')<p>

and she pulled the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2: 'fear of the dark' pt2

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

(part: C)

tru felt the netsian tracking device short-circut and die seconds after the shot. "excellent!", she breathed with relief. She put the gun down on the nearest desk, and unzipped her black sweater.

"woah, woah, woah, woah!" "hotch!" derek gestured toward tru's now open sweater. She had a strange brace criss-crossed across her torso with a now tiny smashed screen in it's center. The surrounding federal agents drew their weapons.

"relax, gentlemen", tru drawled lazily, holding her hands in the air, "i have disabled the immediate threat.." tru slowly lowered her arms. "please, don't be rash.." "i'm going to remove this god-forsaken piece of crap of my person now if you don't mind.."

with the entire room watching intently, tru secured her fingers on either side of the center-piece of the brace and gently pushed. The agents gave a start as the brace clicked open.

Truance looked as thought she had won the lottery. "beautiful, just beautiful- you would not believe how long i've wanted to do that-"

"sorry to rain on your parade-", hotch interrupted impatiently, "but we have a city to save and you have a confession to make."

"first of all, all of the information you need is with the belongings you conviscated from me upon my arrival here." "i had a back pack when i entered." "in this pack, there are many pockets." "in the smallest pocket on the front of the bag, there is a cellphone, or what cleverly appears to be a cellphone." "this cellphone is pink in color, and when the center button is pressed along with the symbol on the back of the phone, the bottom of said cell opens and the phone is revealed to be a USB drive." "on this usb drive you will find everything."

"everything?", derek asked skeptically, "like what?'

"everything i could get my hands on while i was undercover for six months in the terrorist cell that call themselves environmentalists", tru answered with a look of disgust on her face. "trying to save the planet by blowing it to high heaven, yes, that always works.."

"and the explosives?", hotch asked hopefully.

"their locations and specifications are in the first file on the drive." "the drive nor the files are password protected." "you have a fair amount of time left before they go off, but i wouldn't waste anymore of it talking to me – go." tru turned and smiled at garcia, "i'm sure penelope is more then capable of babysitting me for now."

hotch still had millions of more questions for the girl, but she was right; it could wait. He ordered the surrounding agents to locate the drive, deliver it to the tech room, and move out as soon as they discovered the locations of the bombs.

After the room emptied garcia looked at tru through the akward silence that followed, "so.."

tru smiled at garcia, perching on the edge of a desk, hands clasped at her knee, her right leg over her left, her posture at ease. "so..", she replied.

"are you okay?", garcia asked concerned, "you just got shot in the chest."

"technicially, i shot myself in the chest, but yes, it does sting a little." "that device was made from some powerful stuff though, so it surprisingly absorbed most of the impact." "oh, it wasn't a bomb by the way."

"yeh, i kinda guessed that, seeing as how no bomb i've ever heard of was disarmed using bullets", garcia quipped with a sideways smile.

Tru chuckled, "yes, but it did have an electronic pulse built into it." "if he'd heard what i was up to, he would have fried my brains."

"he?", questioned garcia warily.

"yes", tru's expression turned serious, "the new leader of the netsians.. rittivon."

garcia gasped. "no!" "rit?" "i never figured him as much of a leader.."

tru rolled her eyes and sighed, "no, neither did any of us think so." but then tru smiled, "it's wonderful to see you again, my friend." "you really have no idea how good it is." truance looked on penelope fondly.

Garcia smiled warmly back. "you too, tru." "i missed you.. i missed all of you." "how is everyone doing now?"

the smile slid sickly from truance's face. "oh nella.. it would break your heart, it would." "he's turned us into an army of awful criminals." "and what's worse, most of the old gang is gone." "samiel and rittivon had a terrible fight." "rit managed to route samiel with a band of thugs, and that's how he became leader." "knocked samiel flat himself, much to the surprise of everyone." "after samiel fell, a fear spread thick and heavy in the rest of us." "most fleed before him, but i and a few others stayed." "i stayed because i knew this couldn't bode well, and i thought i could bring his reign down better from the inside." "i was right to do so.." tru paused and gave penelope a hard look. "he wants you."

"me?", garcia gasped in surprise, "why me?"

"because he believes the 'fib' took you for a reason." "we have heard that they put you on a list before your capture." "there were seven people on that list." "at the time, rittivon was the fifth, samiel was the third, and a week before your capture the person in the first position.. was you."

garcia was shocked. "they never told me that." "i mean, i knew i was on the list, but they never told me i was numero uno." "wow.." she marvelled for a few moments.

"for the past year or so, rittivon has been seeking out the best of the best and offering them a place in the netsians", tru continued, "he was looking for a prodigee." "someone he could school in his twisted way of hacking and to carry on his dark legacy." "and then he came onto a revelation eight months ago." "why go through the endless and tedious process of searching far and wide for an heir to his dinesty, when he could simply marry and create one instead?"

garcia's hand went to her mouth as she gasped in horror.

Tru nodded ruefully. "yes, he means to make you queen of the netsians."

"well, he won't", penelope declared more bravely then she felt, " he'll have to get through my team before he gets to me."

"but nella, my dear one, he is not the rit you once knew", tru warned, "he has gone mad with power and greed." "he will stop at nothing until you are his." "he is obsessed with you." "this lust for you has corrupted him mind, body, and soul." "that is why i learned everything i could of his plan before i escaped and joined that eco-terrorist group." "and i made a plan of my own." "i just hope that it is enough." tru noticed she had frightened her friend terribly. And she reached out and held her hand. "it'll be okay, nel." "i promise."

garcia gave tru a small, weak smile although her insides were still churning with nerves.

A welcome distraction came in the form of hotch and the team returning from the field. "we got them all", he breathed with relief, beginning to remove his safety gear now that it was no longer nessissary, "everyone's safe." he looked from tru to garcia. "garcia?", he asked the open-ended question.

Garcia turned sad eyes on her boss, "sir.. i hate to ruin your day, but.." she hesistated.

"what is it, penelope", he asked with slightly more authority, "what's wrong."

penelope turned to the faces of reid and rossi on either side of hotch, and then back to her boss, "there's.. the reason- tru did all this was.. uh, i'm- in trouble."

"what kind of trouble?", hotch asked, an edge of uneasyness and suspicion creeping into his voice because if this girl had been willing to go to jail for penelope, his bet was that it had to be really bad, "what are you involved in, penelope?"

"his name is rittivon", answered tru, "and if you think that terror group was bad, he's much worse."


	3. Chapter 3: 'fear of the dark' pt3

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

(part: d..)

"Penelope and I have called this meeting to debrief you all on her current situation", Tru began. "There is a very dangerous, very powerful man after her at the present time. He goes by the netsian name Rittivon. His original name is unknown at this point in time. Where upon a person enters themselves into the netsians, they create a persona that the rest of the group may identify them and their associated works by; he is Rittivon.. I am known as Truancy because of my knack for getting myself into trouble, and your miss Garcia was known as 'the duchess' because she was an unofficial secondary leader for our group in her time with us."

(to be continued..)


	4. Chapter 4: 'fear of the dark' pt4

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

(part: E..)

"I'm going to hypnotize you now, Pnips, okay?", Tru spoke calmly and clearly from her position across from Penelope on the floor of the red cell dojo, "but I'm going to need you to help me, is that alright?"

Penelope took in a deep, steadying breath to get rid of her nerves, then asserted herself, and nodded shortly, "I understand.. let's do this."

"I wish to be clear, Penelope", Tru warned cautiously, "You will no longer be the 'you' you were here. You will become the 'other you'. And you will not be able to control the actions of the 'other you' nor will you be conscious of what he or she does during the time that you are under the hypnosis. This is for your own safety, but also for your own stable mental health. This personality was created for the purpose of allowing you to lead a normal life if you ever chose to leave the netsians or you were captured and forced into one. Are you sure you are willing to give up the right to know who you are?"

Penelope had never thought of it like that. Who knows how long it would take to train her up for the big show down? What if she missed out on something important because she wasn't really all there? She thought this, and shook it off. Her friend's lives, old and new, were at risk here, and it was because of her. She had to do her part. She took one last longing look at her co-workers, who were all watching apprehensively from the sidelines, and sighed. Turning back to Tru, she looked her square in the eyes. "let's do this."

Tru admired Penelope's loyalty. It had been one of the founding principles of the netsians, back when they had had Samiel as a leader. No one held up that principle better then Penelope. She was their embodiment of it. "alright then.. close your eyes and listen with all your will of being to my voice.."

Garcia obeyed.

"Picture, in your mind, everything that you are now, everything past and present, even your possible plans for the future.."

Garcia obeyed. It was easier then she had thought it would be.

"Now, imagine your brain as a computer, your most personal, inner computer.. your task is to save all of your memories into separate folders. These folders will be labelled precisely and then saved and set aside for later retrieval.."

Garcia thought that this was rather amusing. She busied herself imagining sorting her friends into different files and labelling them. She realized that she had an awful lot of files under the heading 'Derek Morgan', And giggled in her minds eye. She was glad that no one else could see. It might have made them jealous.

"Take as long as you need..", Tru's voice was softer then before. She did not want to interrupt this crucial point in the process. Garcia may not be conscious of it, but she was saying good-bye to all her memories, one by one, only, the way Tru was doing it, she wouldn't scare Garcia off the process. Computer's were a source of comfort to her. She would feel safe here. Many minutes passed before Tru picked up from Garcia's easy, slow breathing, that she was nearly finished the task of filing her life away into a nice safe place for it to sleep, waiting to be called upon again someday. "Now, are the installation and backup procedures completed?" Tru asked softly.

"Yes.." Garcia's tongue moved rather thickly, but she was at peace. The sensations of her body no longer bothered her.

Agent Cooper looked on at the process with a mixture of slight horror and fascination. It was eerily similar to the deep trances monks in a seminary went through for the preparing of their spiritual enlightenment.

"Now, I want you to carefully take your external hard drive out of your system, and put it aside. It will be there when you need it again.."

Penelope happily did as she was asked. Now that her head-space was in nice, neat files, it was nice just to focus on simple computer work and think about nothing. It felt so blissfully unburdened. She was the happiest she'd ever been in a long time. She extracted the hard drive, and sat just revelling in clean lightness.

Tru noticed the change in Penelope's attitude immediately. She radiated tranquillity. It was hard not to get caught in the soothing web her presence cast. Tru unclouded her thoughts gruffly. Enough!, time to focus! This was the tricky part! "Now, I want you to look to your left."

Penelope, in her minds eye, did so.

"Look, there is something there you have never noticed before.."

a concerned look came over Penelope's face.

"you investigate this discovery cautiously.."

mind-Penelope slowly crept toward the object on the left side of her desk.

"my goodness!", Tru whispered for effect, "it's that old hard drive you forgot about, remember now? the one with all the great games?"

mind-Penelope lit up with pure elation.

"You ought to test it to see if it still works, hadn't you?", Tru coaxed.

Mind-Garcia hunkered down with delight and installed the old hard drive, rebooting her computer afterword.

"The screen reads, 'checking disk drives for errors'.."

mind-Penelope rolled her eyes in a huff, and plopped down in her desk chair.

"This could take awhile.. you should take a nap while you wait.. after all, file sorting wears you right out.."

mind-Garcia's eyes began to droop.

"Such lovely dreams you'll have.. of a time far way.. long forgotten.."

mind-Penelope's eyes closed. Outer-Penelope's head began to droop.

"Sweet dreams, fair maiden.. a mystical land waits.."

outer-Penelope's chin came to rest flush with her chest, her head bowed in a sleep heavier then anyone of her team mates had ever had.

That was the que Tru had been waiting for. Penelope was now under her complete control. "Drivers booted.. engage protocol sixteen, point, five, point, fourteen, point, five, point, twelve, point, fifteen, point, sixteen, point, five, dash, seven, point, one, point, eighteen, point, three, point, nine, point, one.. delete previous system interface-"

Derek tensed. He didn't know much about computers, but that sounded to him like Tru was going to delete all that made up his baby girl. He made to move forward, but Rossi held out his arm to stop him. They exchanged warning looks, but Rossi won.

"-upload previous system interface via protocol ten, point, one, point, fourteen, point, five, dash, fourteen, point, fifteen, point, nine, point, eighteen.. assign user name.. password certification.. watashiwa anataga tsukeditsu.. indicate recall.. confirm.." and now she waited. It had been a long time since Tru had had to access Penelope's other self. She worried it was no longer fully intact, and she would have to wipe Penelope clean. She guessed the team would never go for that.

They sat and stood respectively for hours. Tru was staring at Penelope intently. She was studying her friend's face for some sign that she was okay and not damaged beyond repair. Anything.. the slightest whisper of a twitch.. the hint of a flickered eyelash.. her stare remained intense..

Agent Cooper moved forward and was about to say, 'enough', when it happened.

Penelope's head lifted slightly away from her chest.

The room sparked with the team's anticipation.

Garcia's eyes flashed open. But Tru could tell right away that these were not Garcia's eyes. Penelope's eyes had been warm and brown, and honey golden with the light from the sun; these were fierce beyond mercy, distant, and dark chestnut in the light of the moon. This was the 'other her'.

"Whom do you serve?", Tru asked solemnly.

"The netsians of the underground", came the voice from a charred and blackened soul.

"And what do we believe?"

"Friends in the heart are family forever."

"And what does this teach you?"

"To defend beyond death."

"And who(!) are(!) you(!)?"

Then the team watched in terror as Garcia's voice became a menacing force they had never dreamed, in even their darkest nightmares, her capable of; it was quiet, but venomously deadly.

"I AM JANE NOIR(!)"

What had they done?

[a/n: some parts come to me fully formed. this is one of those parts.]


	5. Chapter 5: 'fear of the dark' pt5

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

(part: F..)

"What do you remember?", Tru asked, studying Penelope's face for weaknesses.

"Everything from our last session", Jane answered. "When do we begin?"

"There are some things I may need to explain to you-", Tru began, struggling to her feet, and consequently helping Jane to stand as well.

"I would assume so", Jane did a quick inspection of Penelope's body. "how long have I been gone?"

"We last interfaced when Penelope was 25", Tru explained carefully. This was going to be quite the shock.

"And?", Jane was apprehensive.

"She is now 34", Tru winched, waiting on pins and needles for the reaction.

"Nine years..", Jane's face was blank.

"If you'd like some time to adjust, I understa-"

"No", Jane interrupted, her expression hardening. "If you have awoken me in this manner, it can only mean there is or has been an emergency with the collective. I will adjust on the run, as they say. What are the crucial points of interest?"

"Penelope was captured by the FBI in a raid on St. James", Tru answered promptly, standing straighter, as protocol dictated.

Jane nodded knowingly. "Hence my nine year stay in the dead zone."

"Correct", Tru affirmed. "If they had known about you, they might have used you as a weapon-"

"And that must never happen under any circumstances, lest a mental break occur while in the field", Jane finished Tru's sentence.

"Yes", Tru nodded. "But, I have waved that danger in light of our current situation."

Jane cocked her head to one side, worry skirting her eyes, "Explain.."

"You are in the presence of Penelope's colleges", Tru continued, gesturing towards where they stood, transfixed. "They are part of the behavioural analysis unit of the FBI."

Jane's eyes widened in fear as she looked from Penelope's team to Tru and then back again, all the while reaching for a gun that wasn't there.

"They mean us no harm", Tru added quickly, holding onto jane's arms to stop her from squirming, "As you know, Penelope's personality can be intoxicating. As a part of this team, she has cultivated strong loyalties and friendships. Nothing they have seen today will leave this room. For the sake of Penelope, our secret is safe."

Jane eyed the suspects warily. "perhaps miss Garcia is not as useless as I previously thought.."

"She is the light in your darkness", Tru stated pointedly.

"Not all those in darkness are evil", Jane countered, quoting words Tru once spoke herself, "Even sunlight can cut like a blade. When the sun, it has shone, on a man all alone, the cloak of the dark is his shade."

Tru smiled then. "You remembered.."

"I remember all you teach me", Jane inclined her head respectively.

"Come then", Tru gestured towards the floor, indicating combat was imminent. "It is time we refresh your memory."


	6. Chapter 6: 'fear of the dark' pt6

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

(part: G..)

Tru and Jane squared off across from one another with bow staffs supplied by agent cooper.

The air in the room was tense. No one was sure as to what to expect.

Both Tru and Jane had opted to change into karate robes in order to be capable of a full range of motion.

"Do not go easy on me", Jane stated with a slight hint of warning in her words.

"I never have", tru countered, rolling her neck, and loosening her tense muscles.

"I know I am nowhere near in proper shape, however..", Jane gave Tru a cold and jarring stare. "That is the point. Pain is weakness.. leaving the body", she growled menacingly, taking her position, with a soul piercing glare that would put even agent Hotchner to shame. "I am ready."

"and so am I", Tru answered, assuming a position across from Jane.

Their emotions became very still, their expressions unreadable. This was crucial if they wished to gain the element of surprise over their opponent.

It was Jane's cold, calculating patients that won in the end. Tru was just too impatient to begin the fighting and following assessment. She thrust a blow toward Jane's head, which Jane dodged easily with a smirk.

"Your impatience will be the end of you, Truancy", she remarked, dodging two more angry jabs.

"And your insatiable need to comment on my actions-", Tru spat fiercely, continuing to test Jane for a weak point, and finally locating one, "will- be- yours!" Tru spun and struck Jane hard across the face with the end of her bow staff. Jane's head was whipped to the side, where she stood, catching her breath. Tru slid backward across the combat floor, re-assuming a battle stance, and bracing for retaliation.

Jane turned back toward Tru, smiling crookedly, and winching in slight pain. "Indeed.." was her reply as she gingerly wiped a few drops of blood from the corner of her mouth and returned to an offensive stance across from Tru.

Derek's heart was twisting like mad in his chest. This was horrifying to watch, but he couldn't turn away. On the one hand, that was his baby girl that had just gotten owned in the face, but on the other hand, it wasn't Garcia.. it was Jane. He shifted his gaze fleetingly between each of the fighters, hoping that it would all end soon, and knowing realistically that this was only the beginning.

Jane still refused to move, so Tru began to circle her, waiting for her to move. Jane stood calm and uncaring, not even turning around to watch the path Tru travelled.

Tru came to a stop in front of Jane and narrowed her eyes. "I know what you're doing!", she suddenly realized.

Jane smirked in reply.

Tru relaxed her stance and shook her head. "I refuse to fight you this way! You are better than this!"

"Correction", Jane countered stubbornly, "I was better. Now i am weak. Your spoiled princess has had too many things given to her." she held up her hands. "These were once the limbs of a warrior, and now they are soft and feel even the slightest anguish. I was never a thin person; this is true, but neither of us was ever this pathetic when we were training in the netsians. When Penelope and I shared a body on a regular bases, she would sometimes spare with you even if she was never really on par with me. We worked together without needing to know each other. It was unspoken and now that is gone. Penelope has forgotten my strict wishes, and abandoned the warrior way. I intend to remedy that." Jane gave Tru a hard demanding stare. "we must begin as if I know nothing. And I remember the first lesson as well as you do."

"Pain..", tru whispered in a defeated tone with down cast eyes. Then she cleared her throat. "The first lesson is pain", she began to recite the old speech given to every new recruit. "When you are a warrior for the netsians, you will encounter many enemies. They will appear to be stronger then you, and in most cases, they will be. But you will outlast them. By the end of this lesson, you will have learned how to outlast the enemy by using your pain as a shield. Behind this shield of suffering and anguish, if you are lucky, you will defeat them. You will win. And, if you survive, you will rise from the ashes of this fire stronger and perhaps even unstoppable." Tru re-assumed her fighting stance, "The lesson begins now."

Jane grinned evilly, relishing the scent of war. "Teach me", she purred happily.

Tru nodded, gritting her teeth, and waded into the predestined victory.


	7. Chapter 7: 'fear of the dark' pt7

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

(part: H..)

Tru and Jane stood across from each other, panting heavily and sweating like dogs. There was blood and bruises on both sides, caked in strips along jaw lines, running down knuckles, and trickling from the crown's of their heads and into and away from the corners of their eyes, but Tru had faired much better then Jane, and that fact was clearly evident in their posture. Jane lent heavily on her bow staff, gasping through waves of pain, but refusing to give in. Tru, though her back had been struck with a number of blows, was only hunched slightly, and shifted her weight from leg to leg in order to give the swelling some relief. Jane had aimed specifically for Tru's legs because she had remembered they were an old weak spot, and it turned out her memory was correct. Though Jane was in an enormous amount of pain, she still savoured this small piece of victory.

Tru let out a low rumbling growl and lunged at Jane with renewed ferocity, causing Jane to stumble backwards, but she still managed to block the attack just in time. "Do you give in?", Tru snarled through a clenched jaw, pressing her strength down on Jane's injured arm.

Jane's eyes flashed with fire. "Never!", she hissed venomously. With all of her remaining strength, she hoisted herself from her kneeling position on the dojo floor and forced Tru to stand. Then, with one final push, she flung her through the air and into the far wall. Tru landed there with a sickening thud and slid to the floor. Agent Cooper flashed forward and intercepted Jane, who was poised to strike an ending blow. "Enough!", he bellowed, catching hold of her bow staff and solidly blocking her path. "That's enough.."

Jane could feel his power and knew that in her current state, she was no where near a match for him. She relinquished her hold on the bow staff with a hiss of annoyance, and stalked toward her corner to lean on one of the walls with her arms crossed furiously.

Agent Cooper knelt down by Tru, and took hold of her arm gently. "Are you alright miss?" Cooper asked Tru softly.

Tru winched and sat up gingerly. "Thank you, agent. I will be fine." she looked towards Jane out of her only undamaged eye. "well done, miss Noir. Tomorrow we begin your training in earnest."

Jane looked slightly surprised. "The first lesson is still not complete? But I defeated you!"

"You did not defeat me", Tru chuckled, struggling to her feet and finding her balance.

"If the man hadn't stopped me I would have finished you!", Jane argued.

"If agent Cooper hadn't stopped you, I would have won", Tru insisted.

Jane snarled and lunged for her discarded bow staff. She managed to snatch it before agent Cooper and changed direction, charging at Tru.

Tru glared at her impetuous student as she barrelled towards her. Some could understand when they were bested, others had to learn the hard way.. Tru blocked the attack with her palm, just inches from her face. Jane narrowed her eyes in confused anger. Tru stared at Jane as if to say, 'and now you will learn.' Tru moved from her block position fluidly, sliding her hands firmly down the length of the staff until she came face to face with Jane. She then quickly flicked her elbow into her offenders chin, the force of which surprisingly managed to knock Jane backwards and onto her back. Tru then spun dramatically and placed the staff against Jane's neck, precisely where the trachea was located.

"Snap", Tru stated matter-of-factly, pressing the staff ever so slightly into Jane's neck so as not to actually kill her. "You're dead. I've killed you. You lose."

Jane looked up at Tru in a mixture of hate and respect.

Tru nodded, satisfied, and removed the bow staff lightly. She held out her hand to help Jane from the floor, and Jane accepted it.

"Tomorrow will be different", Jane promised darkly, shaking hands with the champion.

"Yes", Tru agreed, not letting on anything, "It will be."

Then the two parted ways to change and assess the damage that had been inflicted upon their respective bodies.

"Hey", Derek grabbed a hold of Jane's right arm before she passed into the hallway, stopping her with concern in his eyes. "You okay?"

Jane stared at the man blankly.

When Derek looked into her eyes he saw only a dark and lonely abyss. This was not his baby girl.

"I'm sorry. Do I know you?", Jane asked, not particularly caring what he answered.

Derek let her go in stunned silence.

Jane gave him one last slightly confused glance as she headed out of the room.

Derek tried to come to terms with the truth; his baby girl was long gone for now.


	8. Chapter 8: 'fear of the dark' pt8

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

(part: I..)

Derek sat on the corner of his old desk, thinking harsh thoughts.

Agent Hotchner noticed him there and went to speak with him.

"What is it?", he asked.

"It's her eyes, Hotch", Derek answered still in shock and sounding as if her were a million miles away. "There's nothing there. It's like.. looking into a dead pool or a black hole. She's just... gone."

"She'll be back", Hotch tried to assure his teammate and himself, if truth be told. "She's still in there somewhere and she'll be back."

"Yeah, but how long will that take?", Derek asked, pain and worry lining his voice. "How long do we have to put up with this ghost?"

Jane, who had accidentally overheard their conversation, stepped out of the hallway and into the pit. "Not that long", she sighed, toying with one of her long hair streams.

Derek and Hotch turned toward the sound of Jane's voice, and beheld a jarring sight. There was their Penelope, dressed all in black, complete with goth make-up and two extremely long dyed black pigtails on each side of her head, framing her face. She had also added a nose ring and multiple ear piercings.

"What did you do to her?", Derek asked, in indignant astonishment.

Jane looked down on herself, inspecting her work. "I have done nothing, as far as I can see. The last time I was with Penelope, we agreed that I was allowed this choice of life style. Unless I am mistaken, nothing has changed."

"But the FBI has a certain dress code", put in Hotch, astounded as well. "You'll have to change back if you're to continue to work here."

"I do not work for the FBI", Jane replied with a look of proud disdain, "I do not share Penelope's idealism and fantasy involving government establishments. She has a more naive view of the world. I prefer realism to delusions myself. Capitalism worship is for the heathens. Which reminds me, I was leaning towards being a communist at one point, would you prefer I dressed in that manner, comrade?"

Hotch stared at Jane in stunned silence. He couldn't believe these words were coming out of Garcia's mouth. It was surreal.

"You're friend was a mouse", Jane said, turning back the way she had come. "and while the cat's away, the mice will play.." she turned back with a deadly glare, "The cat has returned, boys." and with that, she left them in her wake.


	9. Chapter 9: 'storm the gates'

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

"**Storm the Gates**"

{quote: _'electric eye!- infiltrate!- storm the gates! storm the gates!'_}

in which the BAU and the netisians loyal to the Master clash, and the BAU are victorious. However, the Master escapes the raid, and, at the very end of the episode, steps out from an alley way, and tries one last-stitch effort to kidnap garcia or at least shoot her. Tru leaps into the line of fire just in time and garcia is saved. In a sudden brilliant twist, the Master kidnaps truance instead. He uses her as a bargaining chip and makes his escape.


	10. Chapter 10: 'abandon hope'

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

"**Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here**"

{quote: _'hands on the mirror, can't get much clearer, doctor will you be my priest? Now that you're bleeding, you stare at the ceiling, watch as it all fades away..'_}

in which tru is insanely, intensely tortured out of her mind by the Master in order to gain her knowledge of all things penelope.

Laughs darkly and manically. 'don't you get it?' 'i'll never tell you anything!' 'penelope is my sister-of-the-heart!' 'that used to mean something to a netisian, and for me, it always will!'

a flash of evil, twisted comprehension. 'ahh, yesssss.' 'i believe i understand now.' leans in goulishly. 'i really think.. i do..' laughs demonically and exits.

Tru is left to agony and guilt for betraying her friend. Even if it was only by mistake. But then.. penelope doesn't believe in mistakes..

'everything happens for a reason' barely whispered. She weeps.


	11. Chapter 11: 'lies&what lies beneath'

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

"**Lies.. and What Lies Beneath**"

{quote: _'lies!, make you stumble, lies'll make you fumble, lies to keep your mouth fed, lies on your death bed, lies!..'_}

in which the Master excecutes his new plan to trick garcia into giving herself up to his cause. He sends her video files on her personal laptop of the torture of tru, and warns her he is watching her. Garcia wants to tell the team, but fears for the safety of her old friend. She unwisely falls for the trap (her heart being too big for her own good), and gets captured by the Master. Tru is allowed the chance to talk to garcia briefly. Garcia is sorry she didn't show up sooner. Tru is sorry that she may have betrayed garcia. Garcia defends her choices. Garcia says there's nothing to forgive. Tru is moved. Tru instructs garcia on how to play the Master's 'end-game' and keep herself safe. And she also quickly tells her ways she could possibly resist torture, if he so dared. Garcia bravely thanks tru, and they hug good-bye. Tru is dragged off to what the Master calls 're-programming', and garcia is placed in the first of many rooms she is to stay in. This one is simple and cell-like, yet slightly more comfortable.


	12. Chapter 12: 'god, save the queen'

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

"**God, Save the Queen**"

in which the team figure out a plan of attack after garcia gets kidnapped at the end of _Lies.. and What Lies Beneath._ Their planning is intercut with garcia being tortured by the Master into doing what he wants her to do. (hacking, recruting, being queen, being his slave.) garcia scrapes up every happy memory she can think of to combat the Master. But he's crafty and cunning, and wears away bits of her soul slowly and painstakingly.

'you will succomb to me.'

'maybe.' is all she says.

'maybe?' laughs disbelievingly. 'you still hold out hope that your friends will save you?'

'they're the best.' she defends, chin jutted defiantly.

'they were the best.' circles around behind her, and whispers close to her skin. 'when they had you.' 'no one has skills like you, penelope.'

she is disgusted to her core, but doesn't let it show. She remembers what they taught her at quantico, she remembers what tru taught her. She holds herself in silence. 'don't give in unless you have to.' she repeats to herself in the small safe corner of her mind. 'only when the game begins to turn in your favor.' 'only when you know everything about your opponent and his hand, do you begin to play.' he smiles to himself, thinking he's winning because she no longer recoils from him. If he knew of her real goal, he would probably be wise to kill her...


	13. Chapter 13: 'the show must go on'

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

"**The Show Must Go On**"

{quote: _'another hero... another mindless crime.. behind the curtain.. in the_ _pantamime.. on and on, does anybody know what we are living for? Whatever happens.. we leave it all to chance.. another heartache.. another failed romance.. on and on, does anybody know what we are living for? The show must go on! the show must go on! Outside the dawn is breaking on the stage, that holds our final destiny!'_}

in which the Master is frustrated with garcia's constant defiance despite all his hard work trying to mold her into the perfect queen. This is where he changes his game and raises the stakes. He kidnaps her current boyfriend, kevin lynch.

'only you can save him.'

she breaks before his eyes. 'oh god(!)' 'please.. please, just don't hurt him..'

'but of course, my lovely queen.' he is sooo close to her now. 'but, if i do this for you..' he snakes his arms around her lightly, and presses his cheek gently to the back of her neck, in between strands of her hair and her ear '..what will you do.. for meee?.. '

garcia's heart stops. She has prayed every other breath that it would never to come to this. That she would be saved before she would be forced to play that terrible part. But now it was she who must do the saving. She could never let the innocent suffer for her sake. Just because this psychopath choose play around with her life, didn't mean he would get to play around with the lives of the people she cared about. It was time for the game to truely begin.

'anything.' she whispers, resolved and heartbroken.

'anything?' he asks, secretly hardly daring to believe that at last he has her.

She turns and looks him in the eyes tearfully, 'anything.' she confirms with a false sense of certainty.

He is over-joyed, but barely lets it show. 'then you must tell kevin that you no longer love him.' she hadn't believed her heart could break anymore then it had had already.

'you must tell him that you have excepted your role as queen of the netisians.' 'that you no longer wish to be saved.'

garcia chokes back a sob.

'that this is your new home.' 'hurt him.. hurt him to save him.. there is no other way..' the Master smiles. 'i'll give you a few moments to compose yourself properly.' 'then we shall begin, yes?'

Cuts back to the team trying to locate the Master's new base of operations, which is proving rather difficult with a cut-rate quick substitute technical analyst. Morgan becomes frustrated with their lack of progress. He's worried sick about his baby girl. Hotch orders him to calm down.

'well, i'm sorry.' 'but, that's something i just can't do right now.' walks away.

Hotch fears for his team.


	14. Chapter 14: 'no one mourns the wicked'

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

"**No One Mourns the Wicked**"

{quote: _'no one mourns the wicked!, no one cries they're dead and gone!, no one lays a lily on their grave.. the good man scorns the wicked(!), from their lives our children learn.. what we miss when we misbehave..'_}

in which they save garcia and ?someone? kills The Master. also funerals and such occur.


	15. Chapter 15: 'hello, goodbye'

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

"**Hello, Good-Bye**"

{quote: _'you say yes- i say no; you say stop, and i say go, go, go! Whoaohoh! You say good-bye, and i say hello. Hello/good-bye, hello/goodbye! Hello/good-bye- i don't know why you say good-bye, i say hello..'_}

in which tru leaves garcia to pick up the pieces of her life with great regret, and garcia tries to return to life as it was before.


	16. Chapter 16: 'enter sandman'

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

"**Enter Sandman**"

{quote: _'sleep with one eye open.. gripping your pillow tight- exit light! Enter night! Grain of sand- we're off to never-never land..'_}

in which garcia begins to have nightmares and they keep getting more and more violent and distrubing, causing friction in her relationship with kevin. Kevin doesn't understand why she can't look him in the eyes anymore, and tries to help her back on her feet, but it just isn't enough. She turns to alcohol. He can't watch her destroy herself, and leaves for the time being.


	17. Chapter 17: 'whiskey lullaby'

DISCLAIMER: i do not own criminal minds or any lyrics here in.. i only toy with them from time to time...

"**Whiskey Lullaby**"

{quote: _'she tried to drink her pain away, a little at a time.. but she just couldn't get drunk enough to get him off her mind, until the night.. she put that bottle to her head, and pulled the trigger.. and finally drank away her memories.. life is short, but somehow this was bigger.. then the strength she had to get up off her knees..'_}

in which garcia's new habit starts affecting her work and only worsens as time goes on, resulting in her flipping out at ?one of the team? and her suspension soon follows. This only sends her into a deeper depression and more heavy drinking. One night, fairly toasty, she's had enough and starts thinking suicidal thoughts. Fortunatly however, she realizes her dangerous obsession and half-snaps out of it. She feels so lonely inside now that kevin's 'taken off', as she sees it in her drunken haze, and calls up the only person she knows will listen with all his heart ~ morgan.

'morgan?', tearfully, and unsure.

'penelope?', worried at her tone, and actions as of late.

'baby girl, what happened to you?'

she doesn't want to explain over the phone. 'morgan.. please..' she sobs, slightly desperate. 'kevin is gone.. i'm all alone and.. ah.. i-i'm scared.. scared of thoughts and nightmares and i just want it all to.. end.' then whispers 'why won't you leave?..' then raised to a shrill shriek 'why won't you leave me alone you dead sonovabitch!' hurls bottle across her room where upon it smashes on the far wall.

'he won't leave, derek!' 'he's everywhere and everything and i just want to die!' 'oh god, oh god, oh god..'

'baby girl!, calm down!, you're hyperventilating!, you stay put, you hear me?' 'stay put and breathe, you got that?' 'i'll be right there, hold on!'

derek drives like a mad man over to garcia's apartment, only to find her door slightly ajar. His heart leaps to his throat, and he cautiously, yet quickly, enters the space. To his utter shock and dismay, he finds her in a completely moon-blinked state on her bedroom floor, staring up at the ceiling.

'baby girl?..' he asks uncertainly.

She grins horrifically, like a re-animated corpse, 'i've gone and crowned myself' she laughs humorless and cold. 'like he tried to do.. she whispers as her smile quickly fades. 'he did.. he did..' mumbled and barely audible. She turns her head to him, 'morgan?' 'are you really you?, or are you some other you that's not really there at all?'

'it's me sugar, i'm right here, real as you.'

'ha, i'm beginning to doubt that as well.' darkly sarcastic. He stroked her head at a loss of what else to do. 'so.. you fell and hit your head.?'

looks back up at him. 'i hyperventilated.' she looked slightly guilty. 'sorry.' 'i was half hoping for amniesia.' she quipped. It was hard not to when her knight in shining armour showed up and lit up her world.

Derek relaxes slightly. 'come on, sweetness, let's get you up off this floor... you need a shower to cool your head.'

garcia shook her head. 'been having too many.' 'water bill's through the roof, by now..'

'just one more.' insisting gently. 'then we can talk.'

garcia conceeds without further complaint.

when she finally finishes her shower, he notices that her skin is a raw red.

'baby girl, what happened?'

'i can't get it off me..' she starts dully, mumbling. 'the stink of that aweful place.. ' she starts to cry, and continues tearfully 'he's dead, it shouldn't bother me anymore, but i-!'

'baby, you do not have to explain to me how you feel.' 'it's not up to me to understand.' 'my job is to make the nightmares go away, for as long as i can.' 'now come here.. ' she slumps into his arms gratefully, and he embraces her. 'you don't have to say a thing.' 'whatever you need, whatever the reason, i'm here, and i'm not goin' anywhere.'

'oh god, i do not deserve you as my own personal knight-in-shinning-armour' she mutters embarassedly into his chest.

'well, that's too bad, because it is my mission in life, sweetness.' 'now get that royal behind of yours into that bed right there, and let's have a talk, princess.' he smiles.

She melts slightly. 'okay..' gets all comfy.

Derek sits beside her on the bed. 'now.. ' looks at her, trying to get serious. 'what have you been doing with yourself these last few weeks?'

'i'm sooooo sorry i yelled at reid' she avoids 'i think i really scared him.'

derek's eyes widen slightly 'you did.' 'you scared us all pretty good.. ecspecially hotch.'

her head snaps up from her hands in her lap 'hotch?'

'yeh, that's why he tried to send us to check up on you'.

Garcia hasn't been answering her phones or door most of the time.

'they said you'd only let rossi in..'

she shrugs, and half-smiles. 'he's not much of a talker.' 'reid and emily talk too much.' 'not that i don't love them, i just thought what i needed was to forget and not talk.' 'we would sit and have coffee and pretend to play poker.' smiles fondly. 'it was nice not to be treated like i might suddenly pull out a gun and shoot myself in the head.' 'please tell them i'm sorry.'

he smiles warmly. 'i will.' 'now another question.. why do you need to get drunk before you come into work?'

she freezes. Snared like a rabbit. Then caves. 'i hate profilers.. '

he insists. 'spill.'

she gets a look of frustrated desperation in her eyes. 'i need it to function.' 'if i don't drink, the nightmares become daymares, and then the daymares become hallucinations.. i get paranoid, and edgy, and i feel like every corner i turn, he'll be there waiting for me, and i know he's dead; i watched him die; but i feel like he didn't.' 'like he's still out there hunting me, and i just want to crawl into a hole and d-!'

'no.' he interrupts. 'i will not let you, so don't even try.' 'never say die alright?'

garcia nods reluctantly, looking away.

'you know what reid would say-'

'that alcohol is a depressant and it's only creating more of a problem, yeah i know, i've heard that from him already..' she shrugs off, slightly annoyed.

'well, if you know that then why do you keep drinking?' he's confused. 'why don't you talk to somebody about what's bothering you instead?-'

'because i can't!' she exclaims, panicked. 'if i admit it happened then it'll be real, and if it becomes real i'll never be able to live with it.' 'he was the most disgusting, vile, twisted, hateful man i've ever met, and ever hope to meet.' '..i believe that everything happens for a reason.. what reason could explain him?'

'penelope.. people like that don't need a reason to do aweful things to people like you.' 'it's in their nature.'

silence only interrupted by small sobs. 'he never used to be like that you know.' she begins again. 'before he was kinder, and not at all obsessed with power.' 'he used to be the one i went to when things went badly for me.' 'he was wise, and gentle.' 'i wish i knew what happened to him.'

derek sits shocked for awhile. 'so he was different before?'

'yes' she nods sadly. 'so different that i can't even describe it.'

'p.. why didn't you tell us?'

'everything happened so fast.' 'there was never any time.' 'and when it was finally all over, i didn't want to talk to anyone about anything.' she notices the look he's giving her and it makes her pause. 'derek, what?'

'the coroner told us..' he couldn't continue.

'derek, what is it?' she's apprehensive. 'she told us that if ?someone? Hadn't killed him, the malignant tumour in his brain would have.'

penelope's world is shaken once again.

'it was a tumour?' 'a tumour made him do this to me?'

'no, no, baby.' 'i think he was like that already, somewhere.. deep down where you couldn't see.' 'the tumour must have just stopped his inhabitions about it all.'

penelope had a flash of rit hitting a younger netisian in the face, and snarling viciously as he wailed on him. She had more flashes of things she'd never thought of before.. him always only paying close attention to her even when he thought she wasn't watching.. trying to get her alone to ask her something. That's what he always said. Can i ask you something? In confidence? But tru was always there. She never left penelope's side. Like a barrnicle. She idolized penelope. She never liked rit. Maybe that was because she knew what he really was..?

'it was a lie..' she whispered 'all of it.' 'the whole underground experiance.' 'everything.. well.. except maybe tru.. ' 'she really did care about me.'

she felt exhausted. Emotionally spent. She leaned in and nuzzled derek's neck out of her habit of doing so with kevin. She sighed, dejected. She really needed a good snuggle right now. Derek's cheeks flashed hot with slight embarassment. He realized of course what she was feeling and why she had done what she had done. The alcohol coursing through her veins probably wasn't helping matters either. And he knew all she needed was someone to hold her tight and tell her everything was going to be alright, but he still couldn't help feeling slightly embarassed at the spark she'd sent through him. It was an honest mistake.. force of habit.. she was his best friend and she trusted him, and he would never do anything to hurt her or break her trust. He smiled slightly and pulled her in close. They had something special. And they both knew it. Penelope felt him shift his position so he was lying beside her, his arms around her. Protecting her from unseen dangers. Her lips were gently pressed against the skin of his neck, but i wasn't awkward. She felt safe there.

'my hero' she whispered, smiling gently.

He chuckled softly, 'anytime, sweet lady.' he tenderly kissed her forehead, nuzzling her hair-line reservedly. He could smell her shampoo and the thing that made her so penelope. He spent a few delightful moments trying to pin-point what it was before he slipped into a blissful, if incidental sleep.

Penelope knew what derek smelled like. 'apple pie, office space, and dry wall' she muttered to herself before she also fell asleep.

It was early morning when penelope's apartment door silently swished open. Kevin had bought her an apology breakfast. He felt really badly about leaving her by herself. He had thought he couldn't help her and didn't want to watch her destroy herself. But he'd managed to scrape together his courage and grow a quick, if short backbone, and was back to give her the help she needed.

'she's just gunna have to listen.' he told himself. 'i'm not gonna back down this time.' 'this time, i'll fight for her.' he smiled at himself. She would be proud of him. She'd thank him in the end. And everything would go back to the way it was before.

He didn't notice the leather jacket draped across a kitchen chair. Or the set of keys nearby it on the table that were so obviously not penelope's. No, the only thing he was focused on, besides his carefully prepared pep talk, was his hand on the knob for penelope's bedroom door, as he took a deep breath, and thrilled with antisipation. Only, it was kevin that recieved the surprise; and a rather nasty one at that. There was his girlfriend penelope, sound asleep in her bed, cuddled up next to that bastard derek morgan. Morgan had his arms wrapped tight around penelope, and looked so god danmed content, it made kevin want to hurl. He wondered how long he'd been there? How many days had they been sleeping like this? Did it happen the moment he'd left? Did she call morgan up on the phone to tell him the coast was clear? No more ugly, annoying, dweeb to get in the way? Kevin knew he was no derek morgan. That he didn't have with penelope what derek had, but he had soldiered on in spite of that fact. He kept as close a watch on her as best he could, trying to keep her safe. He usually lavished her with affection whenever he got the chance. He tried to be the best boyfriend he could; meanwhile all the time knowing she was at work flirting like she needed it to live with morgan. That brought up tensions sometimes, but kevin had always believed her when she said they were only teasing. It was all in fun. Nothing serious at all. He stared in angry horror at the two of them now snuggled up in p's bed. Had it all been lies? He thought this, then dismissed it. No, penelope was not that kind of girl. He relaxed slightly, maybe he was blowing this all out of proportion. Maybe he was just a friend coming to comfort his best friend in a time of need. But honestly, what was he supposed to think, finding the two of them in bed together? He cleared his throat slightly, and shuffled his feet, ignoring the roses prickling his hands.

Penelope stirred slightly. She snuggled a little further into derek then went back to sleep.

That pissed kevin off maybe just a little. 'hey(!), love birds!' 'wakey, wakey.' 'time to face the music!'

penelope grumbled and rolled over onto her back, starting to wake.

Derek was still trying to stay asleep. He was not a morning person.

Penelope blinked bleary eyed in the direction the noise had come from. Her heart leapt in her throat to see an as yet mysterious figure looming in the doorway of her room. She squawked in fright, and reached over morgan for her glasses, quick as a shot. She jammed them on her face and beheld the terrible stranger. But it wasn't a stranger. It was kevin. Kevin, the no good sack of skin that had left her just when she needed him the most! She opened her mouth to yell at him, but then she noticed the flowers clenched in his fist, poking out from behind his back, the box of crumpled chocolates in his other hand, along with what smelled like a take out bag full of belgium waffles, whipped cream, and strawberries. Those were her favorite. She then felt guilt. Horrible, crushing, drowning guilt. What if morgan hadn't turned out to be the gentlemen she thought he'd been? What if he'd taken advantage of her in her drunken state? She thought this, and dismissed it. No, derek wasn't that kind of guy. She had nothing to be guilty about. She and derek were both friends after all. It had been completely innocent. She leaned over and poked derek in the side.

'time to wake up, sleepy head.'

he groaned and shifted, opening his eyes, he smiled at her. 'anything for you, doll face.'

there was so much love there that there could be no doubt; if anyone else had tried to wake him up, he would have refused.

'oh, morgan!' 'didn't see you there!' kevin quipped sarcastically, glaring at him.

Morgan's head snapped in the direction of kevin. 'ah shit' he exclaimed, before scrambling to get out of penelope's bed. 'look man, it's not what you might think-'

'well, if it turns out it is, then we've got a problem.' kevin hinted darkly.

'kevin, she was going to kill herself, what was i supposed to do?' 'just leave her alone?' like you did, but he held back the last part.

'she what?' exclaimed kevin worry blasting the anger out of his heart momentarily.

'she said she just wanted it all to end.' 'that she just wanted to die.' that she was all alone, but he held that back as well.

Kevin glanced over at penelope.

She was staring at her hands in her lap morosely.

'is it true?' he asked her. 'were you..?'

'..going to drink copious amounts of alcohol coupled with copious amounts of painkillers?' she sighed sardonically 'yep, that was the plan.. or hang myself with something in the bathroom.. or drown myself in the bathtub.. or throw myself down a set of stairs.. or toast myself with something eletrical. it was a very dark place, and i don't ever want to think about it again.'

'god, p, why didn't you tell me?' kevin breathed in disbelief. 'we couldv'e found someone for you to talk to-'

'no!' 'i don't want to talk about it, kevin!' 'not ever!' 'not with anyone!'

'baby girl' piped up morgan, turning to her, 'torture is something that messes with your head and body, it's okay if you need a little help-'

'no!' 'you don't understand!' she began to cry.

'that's because you won't tell us anything, p!' spat kevin, angry in his desperation to help her. 'why won't you talk to us?' 'whatever he did to you, it won't make a difference to us, we still love you!'

penelope glared at him, furious. He just wouldn't let up. He just had to know her horrible secret that she wished to keep buried for fear of hurting him. Well, all that pent up anger was out now, and it sure as heck wasn't going back inside!

'so you want to know, do you?' 'you want to know what that sick, sadistic bastard did to me?'

'um, yes' kevin wasn't so sure anymore. He'd never seen her like this. It frightened the crap out of him.

She leapt out of her bed, and faced him across the room. Her eyes were as wild as an active volcano; there could be no doubt, she was ready to explode.

'first of all, he shot, tortured, and kidnapped on of my best friends and sent me the videos of him doing so!' 'i stupidly fell for his trap, and ended up getting a small amount of torture in myself!' 'but that was okay!' 'i was doing alright!' 'i could handle it!' 'but then, oh no!' 'my stupid boyfriend had to go and get himself kidnapped too!'

'hey!, i was trying to get him to let you go!' kevin defended.

But she wasn't listening. She didn't care. He was finally going to hear the secret she had to live with for the rest of her miserable life. 'and he had me then!' 'he'd found my weakness, and he played it against me; i was sunk.' she hesitated, wondering if she could back out now. 'i-i swore to him i'd do anything, if only he'd let you go..'

derek realized what she was saying. He stared at her. Just stared. No wonder she wanted to die.

'and he made you say all those things to me' kevin nodded, remembering painfully. His heart had broken so much that day he thought he would die from heartbreak. 'he sent me back home right after, but i wound up at work-'

'what?' penelope interrupted suddenly.

'yeh, after you tore me apart, he sent me home, and-'

'that's impossible' she wheezed getting light headed from lack of oxygen.

'um, no.' 'i was there i think i know what happen-'

'i saw you on the monitors' she shook slightly 'that's the only reason i.. he said he'd kill you if i didn't.. oh my god!' she wept into her hands wretchedly. 'that sonovabitch!'

'what is it?' kevin asked concerned. 'what did he do?' kevin reached out to comfort her. The moment his hand touched the skin of her arm, she went blalistic.

'don't TOUCH me!', she screeched, almost hissing, she recoiled from him, but looked as though she might change direction and lunge at him at any moment.

Derek intervined on kevin's behalf, placing himself between kevin and the seething penelope. 'penelope.. he was just trying to help-'

'get out!' she snapped. 'get away from me!' her terror was blinding her. All she saw were her memories. 'get out of my room!, get out of my apartment!, get out of my life!' she chased them out of her bedroom and slammed the door so forcefully, it shook her small apartment.

Kevin strode over to her kitchen. He located the garbage, and shoved all his purchases into it forcefully.

He then snagged his keys from the counter, and headed for the door.

Derek was on her couch, and stopped him in surprise, 'wait.. where are you going?'

kevin gestured back at where they could both hear penelope pacing her room, 'you heard her.' 'i'm just following orders..' he shrugged. The way he was so willing to just give up on penelope really pissed derek off.

'she doesn't know what she's saying!' 'she's scared herself out of her mind!' 'she needs our help right now!, more then ever!' 'can't you see that?'

kevin stared hard at derek. 'derek.. she won't let ME touch her.. she hasn't let me NEAR her since she got rescued.. she can't even look my in the EYES anymore.. yet she let YOU in without hesitation.. what ever she needs, she doesn't want it from ME.. ' he then turned and left the apartment. Derek stared at the closed door disbelievingly. He had to get to the bottom of this. Something was definately off. Derek could still hear penelope pacing back and forth in her room, only she was moving faster now, and he guessed she was close to hyperventilating again. He knocked softly on the door. 'baby girl', he warned, 'if you faint, and hit your head again, i'm gonna hafta break down this door to come to your rescue.' 'now i know you don't want that, do you?' derek paused, listening. She'd stopped pacing. She was breathing heavily, but slower. She stumbled forward and unlocked her bedroom door. Derek rushed in, just in time to catch her this time. 'mnnn, surry..' she slurred from lack of oxygen, allowing him to half carry, half drag, her back to her bed. 'baf memries.. ' 'need lik-rrrr ohff-' derek placed her gently on top of her bed spread. And she sighed with greatful relief. 'no one saves damsels like you do', she somehow managed, with a wain smile. 'hush your motor mouth, women.' admonished derek, though his smile gave him away. 'you go back to sleep, and i'll make us some breakfast.' he touched her nose playfully, then turned to leave. 'he hurt me, derek..' 'he hurt me really, really, bad..' tears seeped out her eyes.

He turned back to her, eyes full of empathy. "i know, baby, i know." and he did know, only too well. He brushed his own feelings aside. She needed comfort right now, not him.

"the only reason i let him even touch me is i thought he still had kevin", she bemoaned. "bastard must've filmed him for awhile, then looped and re-looped the footage." "there was so much of it that i never noticed the difference."

"you were being tortured, baby girl", derek defended, "you weren't on your game." "no one would be."

penelope shook her head. "he only tortured me at first." "he called it 'instilling the rules', but we both knew what it was." "after that, i was only tortured physically when i disobeyed orders."

"physically?"; that sounded ominous to derek.

Penelope nodded morosely, "yes, he said he 'didn't want to mark up my pretty, little body too much'." she looked derek in the eyes, her own eyes growing wide in horrific memory, "he killed people, derek." "right in front of me." "at first it was people who were guilty of crimes and terrible things, so that wasn't as bad, but then he wasn't getting the results he wanted from my work, so he started picking people randomly." "they didn't die quickly either." "he kept them alive for days.. sometimes weeks; this one poor man -i'll never forget him- he was gored alive by a bull." "rit was getting more and more medival as we went along." "i think that that man's screams will always be in my nightmares..."

derek stared at her in silence. There was so much she would never tell him.. or anyone. And neither would he want her to. How could anyone possibly describe the fear she had endured? The sheer amount of pain and madness she had been driven through? It was unfathomable. It was unfounded. It couldn't be washed away or unseen. It couldn't be unlived or unexperianced. It was irreversible. Yet, she kept on talking. She was pouring her heart out now, and he was too shaken to listen. Wave after wave washed over him like a never-ending sea of drenching misery. It caught his attention again when the subject turned back to the capture of kevin, and her heartbreaking descision...

"..fortunately, i got rit to agree to have me drugged every time he-" she halted and swallowed painfully "-wanted his way with me." "the drugs were never enough though." "he was always afraid of killing my precious brain cells." " 'i also need your mind too, penny my sweet.'" "he would smile so disgustingly when he said it too." she hesitated to tell him anymore. It was so much worse from then onward. She'd labelled those 'the dead days' in her mind because her life had no longer been hers. She lived to serve, and obeyed most every order without question or complaint. He told her how to dress, what to eat, when to sleep, how and what to hack, when she could talk and when not to talk, who she could talk with, how she could walk, and what shoes she could wear. He controlled the expressions on her own face, and the style of her hair. He did away with her straightened red hair straight off, and had had it dyed back to the curly blonde state that he thought best befitted a queen. She was always to look beautiful and regal. She was to have hand-maidens wait on her, and she was to wait on him, and that was the end of the matter. He conceeded her to be drugged when the situation was called for, but he did so begrudgingly. Sometimes when he was in a temper, he would only give her a small part of the dosage. She fought hard with her tears then. Harder then ever in her memory. "i would think of kevin", she whispered. She stopped, and her blood ran ice cold. She hadn't meant to say it. That was her secret. The greatest torment of her mind.

Derek didn't think he could be shocked anymore, but she'd done it with that. "you thought about kevin when rit was with you?"

penelope bit her lip and nodded, trying to hold back the gut-wrenching sobs she knew would lead later to vomiting uncontrollably, and the mix of chills and fever.

"you pretended it was kevin instead of him because it was the only thing that was keeping you sane."

derek finally understood.

'and that's why she can't be around him anymore, because now all she sees is rittivon..' derek realized her dilemma now. She obviously loved kevin, but had had to sacrifice her love for him to save herself... no!, to save him! That's what she had said! She wouldn't have let that demon of a man touch her unless she thought he had kevin still in chains! Her current situation was beyond tragic- it was down right inhuman. She'd had to make the choice she couldn't make, and now that she had, she would always love him, and always hate him just as passionately. She ruined herself, and destroyed her heart utterly and onto the ends of the universe. And derek's heart was right there with her's. It was an impossible obstacle. Kevin would never understand, and she could never tell him for fear of destroying him too. He could think of nothing else- he grabbed onto her and held her fiercely, as if he held on long enough and hard enough, she would be his baby girl again. The one he had first met, dressed in green and black, wandering lost around the BAU. The tears fell fast and heavy then. For innocence lost... and lives marred by irrevokable change. They stayed that way until exsaustion took them into the shadows of a dream.


End file.
